Why Ztarlight Should Never Be In An SI
by Ztarlight
Summary: Yeah, nice title, I know... Well, I decided to take a try at this SI thing, and I promise the fic isn't as bad as the title claims.
1. Default Chapter

(Hiya there, everybody! Welcome to the first [and probably last] Self-Insertion fic starring the one and only... uh, me! I just really hope that the fic isn't as bad as   
the title makes it out to be. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, and I hope it makes you laugh, cuz that's what I'm aiming for here. And Aida is the name of the girl I sit for.   
[Pronounced "ee-dah"] Last note: Invader Zim doesn't belong to me; I just have fun putting myself in the storyline. XD)   
  
  
  
Why Ztarlight Should Never Be In An SI   
Chapter One: It can't be...can it?   
  
  
"Excuse me!"   
  
"Hey, watch it!"   
  
"Sorry, I'm late!"   
  
Ztarlight ran up the long, winding hill, desperate to make it to her baby-sitting job on time. The bus hadn't dropped her off at it's usual spot due to construction   
work, and the delay had made the bus late. Panicking, she dug her sneaker soles harder into the pavement and pushed.   
  
Dashing up the lengthy staircase near one of the apartment buildings, Ztarlight could spy a familiar silver-tainted car in the distance, a car she immediately   
recognized as Aida's dad's.   
  
"I ran all the way up here for nothing?!" Grumbling, Ztarlight walked over to the bench near the kiddie playground [one of those cheap, plastic things they sell at   
"Toys R Us"] and plopped her seat down onto it. After catching her breath, she decided to visit Echo Alley.   
  
Echo Alley was a name given to a certain place in the neighbourhood. There was two apartment buildings positioned just right so that when you stood between   
them and said something, it continuously reverberated off the walls. Ztarlight liked to go there and practice her singing. It made her voice sound pretty. Smiling   
at the thought, Ztarlight hoisted herself off the bench and preceded to cross the street.   
  
That's when she noticed the house.   
  
Somebody had built a house in Echo Alley - but not just anybody, and not just any house. This was a house that Ztarlight had recognized from somewhere, yet   
she couldn't exactly pinpoint *where*. Maybe something from T.V. ...? She rubbed her eyes. "No... it couldn't be... could it?"   
  
Ztarlight shook her head, then put her glasses on to make sure she wasn't hallucinating. She knew that house, alright. The purple facade, the green roof, the   
oddly-shaped windows, the lawn gnomes, and the little pole with a flag attatched. The flag waved proudly in the breeze, and read "I Love Earth"   
  
Ztarlight put away her glasses and rubbed her eyes again. The house was still there. She stood there with her mouth hanging open like an idiot for about five   
minutes before she finally managed to mutter, "Oh, my Tallest..."   
  
Suddenly a voice behind her demanded, "What do you know about the Tallest?!"   
  
Ztarlight froze. Slowly, very slowly, she turned around...   
  
And screamed. 


	2. You!

Why Ztarlight Should Never Be In An SI   
Chapter Two: You!   
  
  
The other figure screamed in reply.   
  
It was a male, with flawless olive-colored skin. He wore a wig of black, and contacts of deep blue - so deep they seemed violet. His outfit consisted of a red   
dress-like suit, with pink sleeves, and gloves and boots of polished black leather. He glared at the brown-haired girl before him.   
  
Ztarlight was so startled that she fell down. Panicked, she managed to shakily stand up. "...wha...you..."   
  
He silenced her. "You still didn't answer my question." He stomped up to her so they were face-to-face. "What do you know about the Almighty Tallest?"   
  
Ztarlight swallowed. Stuttering for words, her voice gave up on her, and all she could do was gesture before she sighed and passed out.   
  
The other figure gasped. Glaring, he surveyed the fallen female with a twitching eye. "Stupid human...." he muttered. "She just *had* to fall asleep at such a   
crucial point in my mission." He thought about what to do with the body. "I'm NOT bringing that...*thing* anywhere near my home!!... on the other hand, it   
might look suspicious if I left her here..." Cursing in a foreign tongue under his breath, he grabbed Ztarlight by her shoulders and dragged her across the   
street. "Oh! Geez, what does she *have* in that backpod?" He struggled. "Uh... remind yourself to destroy her when she wakes up."   
  
The other figure managed to get Ztarlight to the house. Once safely inside he yelled, "GIR!"   
  
A small, cyan-glowing anrdroid fell from the ceiling flat onto his face. "Yes, Master?" he said to the floor.   
  
"Watch that." He pointed to Ztarlight's still figure. "I'm going downstars to get a proper cleaning. Who *knows* where that thing has been?!"   
  
Gir switched to red mode. "Yes sir!" As soon as his master dissapeared, Gir turned blue again and began to rifle through Ztarlight's backback in search of...   
well, in search of anything that he could find. He stumbled across papers with words and numbers, a rainbow gel-pen, and a Pikachu-shaped calculator before   
discovering the remaints of the poor girl's lunch.   
  
Moaning, Ztarlight opened one green-tinted eye and examined her suroundings. Gasping, she sat up and blinked a whole lot, staring in disbelief. (I'm...in the   
house...) she thought. (He brought me in the house... with Gir, who... eating my snack?!) "Hey, you can't have that!"   
  
Gir looked up in surprise. "She's awake!" he cried. He started running around the house, screaming. "She's awake!!" He peered down the garbage can. "Master,   
she's awake!!"   
  
The all-too-familiar figure rose from a hole in the floor. His appearance had changed; he had forgotten his disguise. Ztarlight gasped. (If I had any doubt before...)   
"You..." came a shaky whisper.   
  
"Eh? Me what?" He stalked closer to her. "Spit it out, meatbag!"   
  
Ztarlight pointed to him in a frenzy of terror. "You're Zim!"   
  
Zim flinched as if he had been struck. "What...what did you say?"   
  
Ztarlight stood up, feeling braver than she had felt just a minute ago. "Your name is Zim... isn't it?"   
  
"Why, yes, it is. I---" he stopped abruptly. "Wait. How do you know my name?!"   
  
Ztarlight laughed nervously. "Trust me, you wouldn't believe me if I told you."   
  
"Then... you must be some kind of super human!!"   
  
"...Excuse me?"   
  
Zim grabbed her collar and pulled her to him. He was quite strong, in spite of his... not big-ness. "Tell me, puny stinkbeast," he breathed menacingly, "What is the   
biggest weakness of Earth?"   
  
(He's one to call *me* puny...) "As much as I'd love to tell you, I really have no idea whatsoever."   
  
"You mean you don't know? What kind of human are you?"   
  
"Caucasian, 5' 1", 15?"   
  
".............get out."   
  
Ztarlight scooped up her backpack off the floor. "Right! Right, I'm... getting out of your.... house to go to... mine. Ta!" She dashed out the door.   
  
Zim watched curiously as Ztarlight ran down the front walkway. "Hmm... this one was oddly cooperative. Perhaps I'll do something not-as-bad to her when I enslave   
everyone else. What do you think, Gir?"   
  
Gir held up an empty package that he had stolen from Ztarlight's backpack. "She had cuuuupcaaaaakes....."   
  
  
  
At the front door, Ztarlight fumbled with her key, dropping it about twenty times before she could slide it into the lock. As it turns out, the door was unlocked. (It figures.)   
  
Ztarlight's younger sister, Sugarbaby, was calmly sitting on the couch cradling a bag of sugar in her arms. Every few seconds a spoon would appear, dive into the   
bag, scoop up some sweet powdery treasure, and jet into her mouth - all in one fluid motion!   
  
Sugarbaby looked up from her bag. "Oh, hey Ztar. Did you go to the store? I wish you could have told me first." She peered into her sugarbag. "This is almost halfway   
gone, and I opened it five minutes ago!"   
  
Ztarlight shook her head, panting and wheezing as she tried to catch her breath. "Don't tell me... you.... didn't see..."   
  
"What? See what?"   
  
Ztarlight gave a smug grin. "We have some new neighbors," she said sarcastically.   
  
Sugarbaby twitched. "They're not like Besa, are they?" [A/N: Besa is my next-door-neighbor in real life. I have dreamed of her doom so many times, it's not funny.]   
  
"No, not at all."   
  
"Did you get their names?"   
  
"I didn't even have to ask."   
  
"You knew them already?"   
  
"You know them, too!"   
  
"I do?"   
  
"ZIM!!!!"   
  
Sugarbaby cocked her head. "Zim?"   
  
Ztarlight struggled for words. "Yes! Zim has moved in into Echo Alley!!"   
  
Sugarbaby started laughing. "Geez. If I thought you were obsessed before, I KNOW you're obsessed now!!"   
  
"This isn't funny, Sug!"   
  
Sugarbaby's laughing settled. "Of course not, Ztar. Listen, I need to go down to the store for more sugar bags. I *tell* Mom to buy more, but she thinks I don't   
need it... little does *she* know. I'll be back in about 20." She grabbed her coat and left.   
  
Ztarlight held her head. "I'm not going crazy... I'm not going crazy... My Zim obsession hasn't come to life.... I'm dreaming..." Muttering this over and over to herself,   
she bounded the stairs to her room. In one swift move she was next to the T.V. where she kept all her treasures.   
  
The tapes were gone.   
  
"No..." The tapes were gone. Vanished. Non-existent. All the work that Ztarlight had done to tape every episode of Invader Zim had *literally* vanished into thin   
air. Turning around, she saw that the Gir plushie she spent four weeks making had disappeared, along with her wickedly awesome black T-shirt with the Irken   
logo on the front, with the words "They're Coming" in neon green on the back. She dove into her closet and saw that the foam sheet cutouts of Zim and Doggie-Gir   
were gone, too! Screaming bloody murder, Ztarlight snatched her U.S. Navy sweatshirt and ran out of the house to inform her sister of what happened. 


	3. The Meeting

Why Ztarlight Should Never Be In An SI   
Chapter Three: The Meeting   
  
  
  
Completely oblivious to what her sister was experiencing, Sugarbaby happily whistled the Doom Song as she rounded the bend to the Korner Deli and   
Grocery. She opened the door and headed immediately for aisle three.   
  
"Gah... WHY is everything here so expensive? I swear, if I this weren't the easiest way for me to access my sugar snacks, I would've---" she stopped when   
she heard someone crying.   
  
"Hmm... I don't recognize *those* wails...," she said aloud, peering around the corner. "It couldn't be one of the neighborhood kids..." Was she ever right.   
  
It was a dog.   
  
It was a *green* dog.   
  
A GREEN dog.   
  
Sugarbaby smiled. (Aww... someone dressed their puppy up like Gir.) She went to the counter to pay for her parcels, where some guy was reading the paper.   
"What's wrong with the little one?"   
  
The fat, sweaty guy behind the counter replied in a gruff voice, "He ain't got enough for 'da slurpy."   
  
Sugarbaby counted the change on the counter and compared it to the real price. "He's only short by a nickle! You can't just give it to him?"   
  
The fat guy took a long drag on his cigar. "No."   
  
Enraged, Sugarbaby picked up the Gir puppy and held him to the fat guy's face. "Look at this face!! He just wants a little slurpy joy in his life, and you take that   
away, too! IT'S JUST A NICKEL!!! Is five measly cents worth more than the feeling of knowing you helped a green puppy-dog with his sugar-craving?!?!?!?!   
  
[draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag] "Yes."   
  
Sugarbaby gave the man her twitchy-eye [a VERY bad sign]. "Oooooo, just forget it then! *I'LL* pay the difference!!" Grumbling, Sugarbaby plunked down an   
extra nickel and grabbed her items. "That's the last time I come here when YOU'RE on duty!!" The puppy ran after her.   
  
Outside, Sugarbaby recieved a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiig sloppy kiss from the tiny one. "Thank you," he said. "I...I love you..."   
  
Sugarbaby squeezed him in reply. "I love you, too."   
  
Sugarbaby smiled as the green dog walked off, humming the Doom Song between slurps. (That's so cute... Dressing up your pet like Gir. Even if it's not the   
right time for Halloween...) Sugarbaby opened her eyes. "Waitaminute. That WAS Gir!!" Screaming bloody murder, she took off and ran up the hill, crashing into   
Ztarlight along the way. 


	4. I Told You So

Why Ztarlight Should Never Be in an SI   
Chapter Four: "I Told You So"   
  
  
  
We left off with young Sugarbaby screaming bloody murder and crashing into her older sister Ztarlight. Sugarbaby leapt to her feet and yanked up her sister.   
"ZtarZtarZtar!!"   
  
"Whatwhatwhat?!"   
  
"GirGirGir!!!!!"   
  
"................what?"   
  
Sugarbaby started pointing frantically. "I saw Gir!! He was out of money, so I gave him some, and he said that he loved me, and then he went away, and then   
I realized that it *was* Gir, and so I started screaming bloody murder and started running up the hill back to our house and that's when I ran into you." Sugarbaby   
nodded solemnly. "I did, I did..."   
  
Ztarlight panted, as she was out of breath. "I told you so..."   
  
"You did..."   
  
"Now you owe me a candy bar."   
  
Sugarbaby snapped up. "What?! We didn't bet!"   
  
"I know, but we're right near the store, and I need some chocolate."   
  
"Oh........................fine."   
  
They walked inside where Ztarlight picked out her candy. "So Ztar," Sugarbaby asked, "Why were *you* running around screaming bloody murder?"   
  
"Me...? Oh..." Ztarlight swallowed. "Well, you know my overly-obsessive t-shirt that I made?"   
  
"Yeah..."   
  
"And my Gir plushie?"   
  
"Yeah..."   
  
"And the foam cutouts of Zim and disguise Gir?"   
  
"..............yeah........?"   
  
"And the episodes I managed to tape----"   
  
"Will you get to the point?!?!?!!"   
  
"They've disppeared!!"   
  
"..............................................................................what?"   
  
Ztarlight waved her hands in the air, screaming like a lunatic. "They've dispeared! Vanished!! Escaped!! Been kidnapped!! THEY'RE LONG GONE!!!!!!"   
  
Sugarbaby dropped to knees and screamed. "HORROR OF UNSPEAKABLE HORRORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
  
The fat guy behind the counter looked up from his paper with interest. "Is your friend alright there?"   
  
"NO! I'm not okay!! All the time that my sister had spent into immortalizing my beloved Gir into my home and life have DISAPPEARED OFF THE FACE OF THE   
PLANET!!!!!!!!!!"   
  
"................................uh,..........okay..."   
  
Sugarbaby grabbed the KitKat that Ztarlight was holding and threw it back into the bin. "Forget your stupid candy. Show me the house! SHOW ME!!!!!!!"   
  
Ztarlight took her sister by the wrist and dragged her from the store, grumbling. "You know... I was planning on eating that."   
  
"Shut up and march!"   
  
Ztarlight smiled. "From the way you're acting, you'd think Zim was *your* fav character, and not mine." They trudged up the hill a little further. "Look." Ztarlight   
pointed ahead. "There it is..."   
  
Sugarbaby stared in awe, then started to laugh. "What kind of joke is this? That's not the house!!"   
  
"That's the *back*, you twit."   
  
"..............oh, yeah..." Sugarbaby followed her sister around the adjacent house to the front. "And don't call me a twit!"   
  
Upon reaching the front, the two sisters just... stared. Well, what were they supposed to do? Zim had just moved to their neighborhood. What could they do other   
than stare? They stared for so long that they didn't notice an all-too-familiar figure open the door...   
  
"Hey! I thought I told you to leave!!"   
  
"Huh?!" Ztarlight looked up to see Zim staring at her from the safety of his door way. "R-right! You did, and I'm leaving. Buh-bye now!!" She grabbed Sugarbaby   
and ran as fast as she could.   
  
They ran and didn't stop running until they bumped into their mom and dad, who were just coming home from work. [Mom and Dad work at the same place.]   
  
"Hi, girls," Dad said. "What have you been up to?"   
  
Ztarlight and Sugarbaby exchanged glances. Should they tell? Nah... they didn't understand Invader Zim in the first place. Why would they believe that he moved   
to their neighborhood? "Oh..." Sugarbaby smiled, " we were just taking a little walk..."   
  
  
  
"It's all a dream... just a dream... it *has* to be a dream!"   
  
Ztarlight kept this wish up as she got herself ready for bed. "Or... I could be hallucinating. I have been getting a lot of homework lately..." Sighing, she clicked off   
the light, put on her CD, and drifted off into sweet slumber by counting cupcakes.   
  
  
  
The next morning, Ztarlight slept through her alarm clock, skipped breakfast, ran to her bus stop, and suffered at school for eight hours through geometry, music,   
[okay, so there's not much suffering here...] history, keyboarding, lunch [yum], english, study hall [zzzzzz...] and biology. All in all, everything wuz back to normal.   
  
Ztarlight wuz checking out her e-mail when she heard Sugarbaby's bus in the distance. [Well, not really.] She greeted her sister with a smile. "Well, Hiya there,   
little si---"   
  
Sugarbaby threw off her backpack and tackled Ztarlight to the floor. "Dib was at my school today." 


	5. Spying on the Membranes of My Block

Why Ztarlight Should Never Be In An SI   
Chapter Five: Spying on the Membrane of My Block   
  
  
  
"Wha... what..." Ztarligth stumbled for the words to say   
  
"Dib was at my school today." Sugarbaby repeated.   
  
"No he wasn't."   
  
"What do you mean he wasn't?"   
  
"He wasn't at your 'school', he was at your 'skool'. See?"   
  
".................................shut up."   
  
Ztarlight rolled her eyes. "Sure, whatever."   
  
Sugarbaby glanced up at the clock. "Do you have to baby-sit Aida today?"   
  
"Yes, why?"   
  
"Well," Sugarbaby started, "If Zim is living in the neighborhood, and Dib was at my skool---"   
  
"Good..."   
  
"Shut it! ...Then it means Dib must live nearby."   
  
Ztarlight nodded. "Good point... was he at your bus-stop?"   
  
Sugarbaby shook her head. "He was late for class."   
  
"I'm not surprised..." Ztarlight though for a minute. "But if he was living around here, where would he go?"   
  
The two sisters were silent. Then they both looked up at the same time and shouted, "The abandoned house!!"   
  
The abandoned house was actually a nice-looking house on an adjacent street - Courtland Avenue. It was about half-way up the hill, with a white finish and blue   
stutters decorating the glass windows. Everyone said it was abandoned because no one had lived there for years, and the most recent owner just kinda   
vanished into thin air! [I swear I'm not kidding either...] Due to lack of care, there were weeds everywhere, yet in spite of its poor attention quality, the old house   
still retained its original charm and beauty.   
  
Upon arriving, the girls found the rows and rows of weeds had vanished, and the lawn was freshly mowed. The yard was watering itself by an expensive-looking   
sprinkling system, and a young girl was sitting underneath a large tree in the yard, eyes fouces feircly on the game screen in front of her.   
  
She glanced up at the two strangers across the street from her and imediately went back to her game. As long as they didn't interupt her, they could stare at the   
house for all eternity.   
  
A squeal in the distance halted Ztarlight from thinking about the scene any further. "The BUS!" she cried and ran back down the hill. Around the corner, and to   
the curb, where little Aida wesa just getting off the bus. Ztarlight scooped up the young first-grader in her arms.   
  
"How was... 'school' today, Aida?"   
  
"Good. I got homework," she replied.   
  
Ztarlight smiled. "Alright then, we'll go insde and get it done, okay?"   
  
Aida said nothing, but smiled her cute little smile and gripped Ztarlight's hand. As they walked across the street to Ztarlight's apartment, they stopped when an   
all-too-familiar voice said, "Excuse me."   
  
Ztarlight froze. (Oh, my Tallest, she *wasn't* kidding!) "...Yes...?" she turned around slowly, trying not to freak.   
  
"This may sound like a weird question, but..." the black-haired boy hesitated, "you haven't seen any aliens around here recently, have you?"   
  
Ztarlight smiled in spite of her fear. (Holy ****, it really *is* Dib!) "Uh... no, not recently," she replied nervously. "Why do you ask?"   
  
"Well," Dib paused to brush a fleck of dust off his trenchcoat, "You see, I'm currently in the pursuit of an alien, and have suspicion to believe that he's trying to   
enslave the human race."   
  
Ztalight nodded. "I see... well, it sounds great, but I have to tend to the little one here," she lightly patted Aida's hand, "so you'll have to tell me more later. I live..."   
she turned around and pointed, "Over there, number one. I'm Karen."   
  
"Hi. I'm Dib."   
  
(Of course...) "Well, I'll catch you later."   
  
"Yeah... bye."   
  
Aida thought to herself quietly as she walked to her afternoon guardian's house. "Hey Karen," she asked, "Who was that person?"   
  
"Oh, just someone I know..." 


	6. The Conclusion

Why Ztarlight Should Never Be In An SI   
Chapter Six: The Conclusion... Thingy... Meep   
  
  
/Dear Diary./ Ztarlight scrawled in her unbelievably sloppy handwriting,   
  
/Sorry I haven't baan able to write much recently, but a lot has happened over the past two days, and I mean *A LOT*. I'm lucky that I'm able to take this moment   
to write about it! In short:/   
  
/...Well, you know my obsession with Invader Zim? It's real. Zim - and Dib - have moved to my neighborhood. It's just like the T.V. shows come to life!! Every   
evening, I see Dib come from my bedroom window in the back, and watch him run up the hill to Zim's new base, only to return in defeat a few minutes later. I   
swear, it's so like the show that if it weren't real, I'd be laughing my butt off./   
  
/But it's real./   
  
/I kept hoping that it was just some weird nightmare; possibly the result of watching the Halloween eppy 20 times in a row at midnight while stuffing my face full   
of pizza - but such is not the case. Instead I have two new neighbors... well sort of./   
  
/I still wonder how they got here... or maybe *my* world got transported there. No... if that happened, then my house would be different, no likely. That means they   
came here... but how? Did Zim do something, did they already exist, or am I really asleep? I dunno for sure./   
  
/I just---/   
  
A loud explosion interrupted Ztarlight's train of thought. There was a chain of explosions and she could hear them coming closer to her house. Panicked, she dove   
to the floor and began screaming...   
  
And woke up, screaming.   
  
"What the..." Ztarlight loked around. It was 6:07 in the morning. She was lying on the floor, and her T.V set was still on from watching infomercials the night before.   
"Then it must be a Saturday morning..." A quick reference to her astronomy clock comfirmed the prediction. It was indeed, a Saturday morning.   
  
Ztarlight examined everything carefully. The sun was shining, the sky wasn't orange, her hair was a mess, and the whole neighborhood was intact. There were no   
green puppies running amok either. She sighed. Everything was back to normal. Smiling, Ztarlight went to turn off her T.V.   
  
That's when she noticed something.   
  
Ztarlight did a double take; nothing changed. "If everything is back to normal...   
  
"THEN WHERE THE [censored] ARE MY TAPES?!?!?!?!?!?!"   
  
  
  
  
___________   
(Heh... remember what I said in the begining about not doing another SI? Well, guess what, forget it. I've got another idea. It'll be called "Invader Zim Meets Britney   
Spears". I think you know what's goign to happen. 8D It'll sorta be a follow up to this, and if you want to be in it, lemme know in your reviews, and give me a   
description of how you want to appear. CryingChild, I'm already going to put you in it, as a way of saying "Thanx" for putting *me* in your fics!! But back to the main   
topic... wanna be in my SI? KEWL!!! Come join the crazed world of Ztarlight ^-^) 


End file.
